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My dog's mugshot pose...

Tuesday, July 18, 2006
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Road Rules: Rock Star Edition...

Thursday, July 13, 2006
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Is this the EXACT SAME GUY pissing me off TWO TIMES A WEEK or what??? Am I crazy? This dude must be the smartest reality show contestant ever. He's pulling the Tootsie blinders on all of America.

Whatever. Nice fivehead, douchebag(s).

She's like the wind, through my tree...

Wednesday, July 12, 2006
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I can't believe I was friggin whining about not going to the beach this summer. I might as well start crying that the weather is too beautiful here. And stuff. Ugh. BUT...All was made notsuckable when I scurried past the Cineramadome last night (thank you, moderately-priced Hollywood apartment) with my shitargic dog & her makeshift bandanna collar (why must you eat EVERYTHING?????). We shared A MOMENT:

I saw Veronica Mars in the flesh (she's remarkably Micro-machine-sized).

And, for some unbuddha-ly reason, Patrick Swayze's lyrics called to me.

She's like the wind through my tree
She rides the night next to me
She leads me through moonlight
Only to burn me with the sun
She's taken my heart
But she doesn't know what she's done

Feel her breath on my face
Her body close to me
Can't look in her eyes
She's out of my league
Just a fool to believe
I have anything she needs
She's like the wind


I swear that she looked at me. Or in my direction. And winked. Or maybe her eye twitched. My dog could have run off with her bandanna collar and I wouldn't have known it or cared. Cause for that one nanosecond, I do believe Kristen Bell eye-googled me. AND LIKED IT. And then...she was gone. And I was off to Petco to buy a double nylon collar that will withstand the strength of a really really fat but strong woman. I'm talking deuce, deuce and a half maybe. Anyways, deep in my Nancy Wilson, we shared a moment. And because of that, I believe KBell has supplanted JAlba at the top of my "List of Famous Girls I'd Manlove If The Girlfriend Allowed Me That One Transgression." Oh yes. Number one like a rocket.

p.s. A sidenote: at the LaBrea Petco, two ladies brought in a baby oppossum they had found on the side of the road, apparently on their way to a Hideously Dressed Latino Lady Competition. Why they thought Petco was Grand Oppossum Central Station, I have no idea. But they had it stashed inside an aquarium (again, who rides around with empty aquariums in their car?) and they tried to show it to me. More like shoved it at me while I held my arms in the air. It was a scary-looking devil rat. If I could have drove the Taurus in Petco, I would have. Scary, I tell you.

Wish in one hand, shit in the other...

Tuesday, July 11, 2006
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I live 20 minutes from the beach and I haven't been to it ONE TIME this ENTIRE summer. I've just been too busy. Busy with everything. Too busy for one of my favorite places in Southern Cali: Hermosa B & Manhattan B: I miss you. If Jessica Simpson (pictured above) were all like, "Come on! Let's go to the beach so we can wear sexy cowboy hats and flirt with the paparazzi," I'd have to sigh, cry a bit and walk away. That's the raw deal with television. We're making the stuff you'll be watching this fall and afterwards. So in my quick 5 min break, here's what's been going on:

-My dog keeps having diarrhea. Shit everywhere. All the time. I'm surprised she hasn't blown an O-ring yet. This is another reason beach time has been seriously depleted.

-I'm buying a new (but used) car, which means I will be retiring the Taurus. This feels like it will be one of those long, drunken posts about how I've been through so much with an inanimate object things. I'm thinking about donating it to a local LA charity. Cancer kids or PETA animal activists against putting makeup on monkeys..something like that. Most likely the monkeys because they're always funny. But only if the makeup is safe. Okay. I just imagined a monkey putting on his makeup himself while driving my beatup Ford Taurus down the 405. They win.

-Seen a few movies lately. X-Men 3...okay. The Breakup...so so disappointing. Superman Returns...made me sleepy. The Devil Wears Prada...surprised at how much I liked it. Pirates 2...off the chain. Monster House...cooltastic (really, you can take your little sis and still enjoy yourself).

-Been catching up on some tv pilots coming out in the fall. Watch out for Skeet Ulrich in Jericho. Man's going to re-blow up. You heard it here. Heroes, which I believe is at NBC, definitely has promise to be a favorite. Superheroes X Lost = Top 10 Tivo Seasonpassage. Hayden Pana-something or other plays Indestructible Cheerleader. I would say that's she's superbangeable but I think she's 16 so I'll just say that I admire her acting abilitie-s. Both of them.

-Dude. I turned 26. Sang some freakin Peter Cetera "Glory of Love" at my karaoke birthday party. Orchid Bar near the Wiltern off Wilshire, LA-peeps. A must recommend.

Like I said, no time no time. Maybe I'll be able to discuss further favorite things (like how I totally want to have sex with Big Brother All Stars) in the near future. Until then, back to working hard for unappropriate pay.