tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-79755812024-03-07T01:23:34.440-08:00dude.man.phat.Justinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13255635291966365615noreply@blogger.comBlogger548125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7975581.post-6146794257574371372010-06-05T15:57:00.000-07:002010-06-05T16:00:18.624-07:00REBOOT!!!!!!!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZJFo_bsqbGiak0pISQLpxTwM5f9wMjquHAi_X6ck9h_ZY7o1wAODrsYAlZjxzRgggbB322qs01vWgzQtJejPTHS5_81LlIMnjlMHe7GDplON33aajUWv53dx0scDObl6FEMXG/s1600/dmp74.jpg"><img style="float: left; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 238px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZJFo_bsqbGiak0pISQLpxTwM5f9wMjquHAi_X6ck9h_ZY7o1wAODrsYAlZjxzRgggbB322qs01vWgzQtJejPTHS5_81LlIMnjlMHe7GDplON33aajUWv53dx0scDObl6FEMXG/s320/dmp74.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5479428054924942722" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://dudemanphat.com/"><br />REBOOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</a>Justinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13255635291966365615noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7975581.post-1161892477375705482006-10-26T12:51:00.000-07:002006-10-26T13:04:03.506-07:00The greatest (internet) love story ever told...comes to an end!!!!!!!!!???????????!!!!!!<a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v176/Chasewaterhouse/wpma5.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting"></a><br /><br />Forgive the crude photoshopping, BUT....<a href="http://dudemanphat.blogspot.com/2005/10/how-am-i-supposed-to-care-about-nick.html">HOLY CRAP BIG NEWS!!!!</a>Justinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13255635291966365615noreply@blogger.com57tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7975581.post-1161821098731309442006-10-25T16:32:00.000-07:002006-10-25T17:13:25.206-07:00Mystery Science Internet Theater 3000...<a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v176/Chasewaterhouse/wpb2.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting"></a><br />Tomorrow, the most highly trafficked blog entry in the history of Dude Man Phat reaches its surprising conclusion. Everyone bring chips and dip.Justinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13255635291966365615noreply@blogger.com41tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7975581.post-1153271280676216732006-07-18T18:06:00.000-07:002006-07-18T18:08:00.686-07:00My dog's mugshot pose...<a href="http://photobucket.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v176/Chasewaterhouse/mlms.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting"></a>Justinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13255635291966365615noreply@blogger.com40tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7975581.post-1152857533712344292006-07-13T23:06:00.000-07:002006-07-13T23:36:38.183-07:00Road Rules: Rock Star Edition...<a href="http://photobucket.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v176/Chasewaterhouse/rsddfrr.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting"></a><br />Is this the EXACT SAME GUY pissing me off TWO TIMES A WEEK or what??? Am I crazy? This dude must be the smartest reality show contestant ever. He's pulling the Tootsie blinders on all of America.<br /><br />Whatever. Nice fivehead, douchebag(s).Justinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13255635291966365615noreply@blogger.com33tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7975581.post-1152755338758215402006-07-12T18:24:00.000-07:002006-07-12T18:50:30.803-07:00She's like the wind, through my tree...<a href="http://photobucket.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v176/Chasewaterhouse/jbirrh.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting"></a><br />I can't believe I was friggin whining about not going to the beach this summer. I might as well start crying that the weather is too beautiful here. And stuff. Ugh. BUT...All was made notsuckable when I scurried past the Cineramadome last night (thank you, moderately-priced Hollywood apartment) with my shitargic dog & her makeshift bandanna collar (why must you eat EVERYTHING?????). We shared A MOMENT:<br /><br />I saw Veronica Mars in the flesh (she's remarkably Micro-machine-sized).<br /><br />And, for some unbuddha-ly reason, Patrick Swayze's lyrics called to me.<br /><br /><i>She's like the wind through my tree <br />She rides the night next to me <br />She leads me through moonlight <br />Only to burn me with the sun <br />She's taken my heart <br />But she doesn't know what she's done <br /><br />Feel her breath on my face <br />Her body close to me <br />Can't look in her eyes <br />She's out of my league <br />Just a fool to believe <br />I have anything she needs <br />She's like the wind </i><br /><br />I swear that she looked at me. Or in my direction. And winked. Or maybe her eye twitched. My dog could have run off with her bandanna collar and I wouldn't have known it or cared. Cause for that one nanosecond, I do believe Kristen Bell eye-googled me. AND LIKED IT. And then...she was gone. And I was off to Petco to buy a double nylon collar that will withstand the strength of a really really fat but strong woman. I'm talking deuce, deuce and a half maybe. Anyways, deep in my Nancy Wilson, we shared a moment. And because of that, I believe KBell has supplanted JAlba at the top of my "List of Famous Girls I'd Manlove If The Girlfriend Allowed Me That One Transgression." Oh yes. Number one like a rocket. <br /><br />p.s. A sidenote: at the LaBrea Petco, two ladies brought in a baby oppossum they had found on the side of the road, apparently on their way to a Hideously Dressed Latino Lady Competition. Why they thought Petco was Grand Oppossum Central Station, I have no idea. But they had it stashed inside an aquarium (again, who rides around with empty aquariums in their car?) and they tried to show it to me. More like shoved it at me while I held my arms in the air. It was a scary-looking devil rat. If I could have drove the Taurus in Petco, I would have. Scary, I tell you.Justinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13255635291966365615noreply@blogger.com43tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7975581.post-1152665903063550642006-07-11T17:32:00.000-07:002006-07-11T18:07:26.746-07:00Wish in one hand, shit in the other...<a href="http://photobucket.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v176/Chasewaterhouse/jsatb.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting"></a><br />I live 20 minutes from the beach and I haven't been to it ONE TIME this ENTIRE summer. I've just been too busy. Busy with everything. Too busy for one of my favorite places in Southern Cali: Hermosa B & Manhattan B: I miss you. If Jessica Simpson (pictured above) were all like, "Come on! Let's go to the beach so we can wear sexy cowboy hats and flirt with the paparazzi," I'd have to sigh, cry a bit and walk away. That's the raw deal with television. We're making the stuff you'll be watching this fall and afterwards. So in my quick 5 min break, here's what's been going on:<br /><br />-My dog keeps having diarrhea. Shit everywhere. All the time. I'm surprised she hasn't blown an O-ring yet. This is another reason beach time has been seriously depleted. <br /><br />-I'm buying a new (but used) car, which means I will be retiring the Taurus. This feels like it will be one of those long, drunken posts about how I've been through so much with an inanimate object things. I'm thinking about donating it to a local LA charity. Cancer kids or PETA animal activists against putting makeup on monkeys..something like that. Most likely the monkeys because they're always funny. But only if the makeup is safe. Okay. I just imagined a monkey putting on his makeup himself while driving my beatup Ford Taurus down the 405. They win.<br /><br />-Seen a few movies lately. X-Men 3...okay. The Breakup...so so disappointing. Superman Returns...made me sleepy. The Devil Wears Prada...surprised at how much I liked it. Pirates 2...off the chain. Monster House...cooltastic (really, you can take your little sis and still enjoy yourself).<br /><br />-Been catching up on some tv pilots coming out in the fall. Watch out for Skeet Ulrich in Jericho. Man's going to re-blow up. You heard it here. Heroes, which I believe is at NBC, definitely has promise to be a favorite. Superheroes X Lost = Top 10 Tivo Seasonpassage. Hayden Pana-something or other plays Indestructible Cheerleader. I would say that's she's superbangeable but I think she's 16 so I'll just say that I admire her acting abilitie-s. Both of them.<br /><br />-Dude. I turned 26. Sang some freakin Peter Cetera "Glory of Love" at my karaoke birthday party. Orchid Bar near the Wiltern off Wilshire, LA-peeps. A must recommend.<br /><br />Like I said, no time no time. Maybe I'll be able to discuss further favorite things (like how I totally want to have sex with Big Brother All Stars) in the near future. Until then, back to working hard for unappropriate pay.Justinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13255635291966365615noreply@blogger.com24tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7975581.post-1151452558711283482006-06-27T16:51:00.000-07:002006-06-27T16:55:58.743-07:00Let's get this party started...<a href="http://photobucket.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v176/Chasewaterhouse/dbd.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting"></a><br />Back from a 6-month vacation.<br /><br />It's also my birthday.<br /><br />Boom goes the dynamite.Justinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13255635291966365615noreply@blogger.com23tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7975581.post-1138313932568450182006-01-26T14:01:00.000-08:002006-01-26T14:18:52.696-08:00The greatest (internet) love story of all is dead???????<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v176/Chasewaterhouse/Photos3/tgilset.jpg" /><br />I know. I know. I wish I could say I was abducted by the ship from "Flight Of The Navigator" and that I went on some kickass adventures that involved flying over the Pacific Ocean and singing Beach Boys songs superbly off key...but I didn't. I overslept. Alarm clock was on PM instead of AM. My bad.<br /><br />BUT...there is movement and a (perhaps?) conclusion in THE GREATEST INTERNET LOVE STORY OF ALL TIME: The Classmates.com couple. Or as I like to call them, Axl and Piper.<br /><br /><a href="http://dudemanphat.blogspot.com/2005/10/how-am-i-supposed-to-care-about-nick.html">And it's a spoiler. Sadly</a>.Justinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13255635291966365615noreply@blogger.com39tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7975581.post-1137118301963256942006-01-12T18:05:00.000-08:002006-01-12T18:42:20.266-08:00The Million Little Pieces controversy has me re-evaluating every single Oprah book recommendation...<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v176/Chasewaterhouse/Photos3/ikwtcbs.jpg"><br />Hey. After <a href="http://www.cnn.com/2006/SHOWBIZ/books/01/11/frey.lkl/index.html">this mess</a>, you never know. <br /><br />Maya Angelou may have not been 100% on why exactly the birds, in fact, sing. Or she may have only thought she saw them sing, but it was a cruel joke by one of her college friends ("That Maya, man. She's always birdwatching. Waiting. Let's trip her out with some Disney animatronic shit!!"). Or she may have really seen them sing, but they weren't actually caged, at least not in the literal sense. But, again, you never know. Call me loco, but I'd just like to see a similar convo on "Larry King Live."<br /><br />Larry: "So, you never really did see them...sing?"<br /><br />Maya: "Larry, Larry! The literal truth of the book is still there. The only part that is in question is the title."<br /><br />Larry: "But isn't that the theme of the book? The main point, if I may?"<br /><br />Maya: "Larry, Larry. Come on. It's me. Maya."<br /><br />Larry: "You've never even seen a bird, have you?"<br /><br />Maya: "Again. No comment."<br /><br />Larry: "Spell bird."<br /><br />Maya: "No comment."<br /><br />Larry: "I'm going to pretend I'm a bird and I'm going to sing. Then, for the viewers around the world watching, tell me why."<br /><br />Maya: "Why don't we go to some callers."<br /><br />Larry: "Tweet tweet. Tweet tweet."Justinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13255635291966365615noreply@blogger.com24tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7975581.post-1136964970456081192006-01-10T23:14:00.000-08:002006-01-10T23:43:00.183-08:00I want you to be nice until it's time not to be nice...<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v176/Chasewaterhouse/Photos2/rhwps.jpg"><br />It's been <em>that kind of day</em>. <br /><br />At least I remembered to watch <em>Road House </em>this afternoon before I came into work. If I ever figure out how to feng shui my apartment, that glorious piece of film is going to be playing on a loop on a secondary TV somewhere, probably near the kitchen. Because it has an eerie calming effect on me. Actually, to mix it up, I might also add <em>Mad Max:Beyond Thunderdome</em> (because, truly, everything <u>is</u> better Beyond Thunderdome). <br /><br />If you're a real man and haven't seen these movies, something is terribly wrong. If you're a chick and you've seen them, something is right. Oh so right that I might love you. Totally.Justinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13255635291966365615noreply@blogger.com33tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7975581.post-1136832501883322652006-01-09T10:40:00.000-08:002006-01-09T10:49:11.873-08:00This guy will not be the next "Survivor" winner...<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v176/Chasewaterhouse/Photos2/ac1.jpg"><br />WHY???<br /><br />Well...<a href="http://www.cbs.com/primetime/survivor12/survivors/bio_austin.shtml">Survivor Austin</a> grew up right around the corner from my house as a kid. One day I went to his house to play soccer and he kicked the ball really hard and it hit me in the nose, causing a monstrous nosebleed. The rest of my memory is hazy but I do remember there was some unnecessary laughing, some fighting and maybe an attempt to blow my bloody nose all over him and his dog in anger. But...that was at least 18 years ago. I'm over it. Although, it would be pretty cool if he did get in the final two at the end. Then, I could get a ticket to the taping and stand up and call him out on it. "DUDE, that guy kicked a soccer ball deliberately at my face, gave me a nosebleed and laughed at me!! So I blew my nose on him and his dog! And I think he might have cried a little! Should a guy LIKE THAT be the next winner of Survivor??"<br /><br />No. I think not.Justinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13255635291966365615noreply@blogger.com25tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7975581.post-1136521662932571922006-01-05T20:18:00.000-08:002006-01-05T20:34:11.430-08:00Thank you for playing, Monica Keena...<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v176/Chasewaterhouse/Photos2/mkbp.jpg"><br />I remember having a semi-crush on <a href="http://imdb.com/name/nm0444621/">Monica Keena</a> when she played the villainous (and Jack Daniels-loving) Abby Morgan on "Dawsom's Creek" circa 1998.<br /><br />Then her character got drunk, fell off a pier, hit her head and died. DIED! That's how she died. Ranked right up there on the huh-o-meter with the Cowboy Scott "90210" death but hurt a lot more because she was a hot female instead of a goofy guy who was just glad Brandon Walsh knew his name AND came to his bday party.<br /><br />Anyways, I see her boobs through her Forever 21 blouse that she wore to the Bloodrayne (oh god why) premiere last night and that's all I could think of (instead, oddly, of boobs).*<br /><br />Death by pier diving. Such a sad waste.<br /><br />*I really have no idea if this blouse was purchased there. I just threw out the L.A. clothing store that first came to my mind. I've also never been forced in that place against my will. I promise.<br /><br />p.s. When the Getty Images watermark doesn't fully shield the breast region, I get a certain comfort. I know this is sad but give me that one thing.Justinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13255635291966365615noreply@blogger.com33tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7975581.post-1136347116595130982006-01-03T19:43:00.000-08:002006-01-03T20:24:39.263-08:00I could watch "The Gauntlet II" every night...<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v176/Chasewaterhouse/Photos2/mfrro.jpg"><br /><br />If only for Mark from Road Rules One and his intense intensity. Did anyone else see how riled up he got on that bus last night? Dude wanted to get off THE BUS!! Let him off. That was major dra-ma. In all seriousness, I hate myself for watching this 87th incarnation of the RW/RR challenge. I was off one day the past two weeks and this was all that was on TV. I would much rather MTV have a show fully revolving around either A) the writers room when they devise the Challenge events that would (maybe) shock my mom (if she watched) aka last night's Sponge challenge or B) the producers when they were calling the cast members to see if they were free (ok, not as much drama) or C) an entire show revolving around how Mark stays looking so early 30ish when he's probably pushing 50 by now (and banging half the female cast until they cry). But really, he was seriously intense. If the bus talked, it would have said ow.<br /><br />More random stuff that I'm thinking about:<br /><br />-I almost bought some taquitos from 7/11 this past week. They looked so good, so hot and so appetizing on their spinning metal thingees near the hot dogs. And then I realized, what if they are really really good. And I get addicted. How embarrassing would that be? And I would get fleeced so much for change by the bums. I bet that's how they became that way. 7/11 taquito habits have got to expensive (to your future health, not so much your wallet).<br /><br />-There's a Hollywood billboard for Bank of California with some bears playing in a field and the tagline is "Since 1876." It really confuses me every time I see it. My latest thought is that "the bears held up the bank" and not "the bears were the prime components for the bank's existence (since they were eating everyone's money and they needed a safe place for it)." That was last week's reasoning.<br /><br />-I just sent my resume in for a job as a writer's assistant on one of my favorite sitcoms. So everyone think moderate to extremely happy thoughts. It would probably mean a decrease in pay and humility but, hey, that's what you have to do to someday wear the championship belt. Either that or walk into a wrasslin' match that's already started like a wuss and steal the belt off a guy who's just been suplexed. I don't fight like that, though. Oh no.<br /><br />-Every time I see the preview for "24," I wig out. Four hours of that show in two nights is like the kind of dream inside a dream. With explosions and Jack Bauer talking all husky like he does. And boop boop doop doop's!! OMG. I just did it again. That show rocks, man.<br /><br />-I finally cleared out my Tivo "Now Playing" list after three months. This past week, with the lack of new programming, I have been taping some really crappy TV. Did anyone else see that show "I Can't Believe I Wore That," hosted by Dave Coulier and Bo Derek. Just me? OK. Nevermind.Justinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13255635291966365615noreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7975581.post-1135373875608307382005-12-23T13:31:00.000-08:002005-12-23T13:37:55.630-08:00Merry holiday festivities to all...<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v176/Chasewaterhouse/Photos2/xm2.jpg"><br />Jingle bells, y'all. And all that good stuff.<br /><br />Keep it safe. Thanks for being awesome.Justinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13255635291966365615noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7975581.post-1135192710512245502005-12-21T11:00:00.000-08:002005-12-21T13:17:53.426-08:00At least the "Nip/Tuck" finale wasn't boring...<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v176/Chasewaterhouse/Photos2/ntf.jpg"><br />Okay. For those Tivo'ed it, I won't completely spoil what was essentially a pretty fun episode. Cheesy, yes. Predictable, in some aspects. But fun. A few spoiler-ish thoughts:<br /><br />1) Thank God we finally figured out why Kit was the worst detective ever. She couldn't catch a cold if it introduced itself first.<br /><br />2) Who else thought the tranny looked like an atrocious-looking vampire? And what was that cut around the top of her head? Very distracting...from her HIDEOUS FACE. No really. Ugly.<br /><br />3) Where did freaky racist girlfriend go when her daddy started going AWOL? She just decided to go to McDonald's or something right in the middle of family peniscuttery hour. Cliffhanger #1.<br /><br />4) Your penis is cut off. For some reason, you only scream bloody murder for a lil' bit. Then you have the strength to rise up from a grave like a vampire Michael Myers, swing a shovel AND shoot someone...without screaming more about your penis. Impossible. Even for a vampire. I call shenanigans.<br /><br />6) He/she's a freakin tranny vampire. That's the only explanation.<br /><br />7) There's nothing more hilarious than AIDS chicks trying to fool dudes into thinking they don't have AIDS for a little booty. He even thought about it for a split second. But I commend Christian for being nice and not bringing up the obvious answer, "Yeah, but aren't you a little AIDS-y?"<br /><br />8) Julia has got to have a <a href="http://imdb.com/title/tt0096635/">Corky</a> in the oven. Cliffhanger #2.Justinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13255635291966365615noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7975581.post-1135127288328056352005-12-20T16:48:00.000-08:002005-12-20T17:25:55.346-08:00All I want for Christmas (besides gifts and stuff)...<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v176/Chasewaterhouse/Photos2/nbk.jpg"><br />Is to be rid of Nickelback's "Photograph."<br /><br />I'm not joking, man. It's stalking me. I heard it for about the 87th time in a month while shopping this past weekend. I thought stores were supposed to keep shoppers happy during the holidays (with rainforest sounds, dolphins and crap), but I was wrong. NICKELBACK!!! So I walked outside the store I was in to escape and someone walked out behind me humming it. NooooOOO!!! It's driving me crazily insanely crazy insane. No joke. Since I've nicknamed the lead singer Blah Blah, I've resorted to singing "blah blah blah" whenever I hear it to block out the bad sounds. So if you see someone in LA covering their ears and talking to himself while shopping this week, that's probably me.* I'm not retarded. Just sick of Blah Blah.<br /><br />*I also might be coughing. Not from a cold. But because I'm still trying to fool people into thinking I'm the <a href="http://www.ricolathanksamillion.com/">Mystery Ricola Cougher</a>. Everyone's doing it at work, too. I believe I've started my a trend.Justinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13255635291966365615noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7975581.post-1135043348590179982005-12-19T17:37:00.000-08:002005-12-19T17:49:08.643-08:00A guide to the celebrity vagina...A sample email:<br />"DUDE, DUDE!!! LOOK AT <a href="http://www.egotastic.com/image?path=0512/eliza-dushku-shaved-1.jpg">THIS PIC</a>!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"<br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v176/Chasewaterhouse/Photos2/edsv.jpg"><br />Uhhhh...okay. Just so the endless emails will stop, a vagina lesson.<br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v176/Chasewaterhouse/Photos2/edvs.jpg" /><br />Now...back to the TV production dungeon.Justinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13255635291966365615noreply@blogger.com24tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7975581.post-1134610883768916392005-12-14T17:23:00.000-08:002005-12-14T18:11:42.953-08:00If I die, I'll have someone leave a detailed comment...<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v176/Chasewaterhouse/Photos2/atr.jpg" /><br />I had the geekiest dream of all time last night. It revolved around one of my favorite bloggers dying and not updating for months on end. In my dream, I blamed Bloglines because every so often it breaks and I get a little exclamation point beside the blog name which means they effed up in some way. But once I went to the actual blog address, I realized that it was true. They hadn't updated. I clicked on the comments to find this, left by some random person:<br /><br /><blockquote>Sorry guys. He died.</blockquote><br /><br />And that was it. No other explanation. Nothing. Just dead. And being the neurotic person I am (even in my freakin dreams, man) my mind started to race. Holy shit. What happened? I'm sad. I need some closure. This vague comment isn't enough. I'm going to order a stuffed crust pizza from Pizza Hut and eat the entire pizza. And then I woke up. So that's why I promise, if I ever die, I'll have someone leave a more detailed comment about my death. Maybe even a picture. Because Blogspot is 4ever.<br /><br />What does this all mean? I'm not dead or dying. But I have been sick with something a little more than a cold and a lot less than the HIV. In all honesty, my insides might be melting. Also, my TV show is almost in edit (which means CRAZINESS!!!), the computer is sucking my will to live (see <em><a href="http://imdb.com/title/tt0087197/">Electric Dreams</a></em>) and the fact that I'm on drugs and STILL can't drink caffeine makes me very BLECH. So if I disappear for a while, those are the reasons. Good news: I had my first CAT scan ever today and made a <em>Total Recall</em> joke to the lady who pushed the button.<br /><br />"If I am not me, den who da hell am I?" I said.<br /><br />I don't think she got the reference.<br /><br />But this dog in a hat did.<br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v176/Chasewaterhouse/Photos2/cdih2.jpg" /><br />Because he loves that movie.<br /><br />p.s. <a href="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v176/Chasewaterhouse/Photos2/hdis.jpg">Hilary Duff isn't even trying anymore</a>.Justinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13255635291966365615noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7975581.post-1134157286453498882005-12-09T11:40:00.000-08:002005-12-09T12:01:50.576-08:00My xmas tree would beat up your xmas tree...<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v176/Chasewaterhouse/Photos2/mxt.jpg"><br /><u>Facts about my Christmas tree (my first real honest to goodness one in over 7 years)</u><br /><br />1) It's got blue balls.<br /><br />2) It's got butterflies on it. Not my doing, but hey. Whatever.<br /><br />2b) In my mind, those butterflies are mean as all hell. And they'll kick you in the face and cuss at you if you try to laugh at them.<br /><br />3) Since the stand is all screwed up, a Harry Potter book (one of the unreasonably long ones) is holding up the tree from falling through the wall and, perhaps, into my neighbor's bathroom. Thank you, Harry Potter.<br /><br />4) Its name, like everything inanimate in my apartment, is Steve.<br /><br />5) It's about 7 foot tall. Yes, it can dunk.<br /><br />6) Its lights blink really really fast and give me seizures.<br /><br />Merry Xmas tree to all!Justinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13255635291966365615noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7975581.post-1134074909869307982005-12-08T12:34:00.000-08:002005-12-08T12:55:42.673-08:00Paris Hilton: not as full of shit as she was last week...<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v176/Chasewaterhouse/Photos2/phcc.jpg" /><br />There ya go, Los Angeles.<br /><br />If you want to take care of your poop like Paris Hilton takes care of her poop, <a href="http://www.thetotalhealthconnection.com/">Total Health Connection</a> is the place. And if you mention during your 1st visit that you came after seeing this pic of Paris coming out of the office recently, they might give you something free. Like a toothbrush. Because that's what enemas do to you. They make you want to brush your teeth. Okay, I admit. I have no idea. But I do feel icky.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">Coincidence of the day:<br />Paris gets enema ==> </span><a href="http://www.perezhilton.com/topics/exclusives/paris_hilton_screwed_so_good_20051208.php"><span style="font-size:85%;">Gets brown-nosed by record execs, cousin Perez</span></a>Justinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13255635291966365615noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7975581.post-1134072332166607912005-12-08T11:49:00.000-08:002005-12-08T12:06:12.056-08:00What happens in the urinals stays in the urinals...<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v176/Chasewaterhouse/Photos2/tpu.jpg"><br />Except for when it's as freaky as what just happened to me. I was in our office floor's restroom doing my business when some random dude I've never seen before sidles up to the urinal two down from me. About five seconds in, he lets out the most ginormous fart I've ever heard inside a public restroom. Very gross, kinda wet sounding, but with intensity. Truth be told, I hadn't heard something this grotesque coming out of stalls. And this was standing up at a urinal. <br /><br />So what did I do? I tried my best not to laugh. But the fact that you don't normally hear dudes tearing ass cheeks while they're standing up at the urinal (unless you're at the trough at a football game) made me lose it. And as I did, I looked sideways (breaking the unspoken dude rule of eyes straight ahead) and, I guess, gave him the WTF glance. Scariest thing? He looked like <a href="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v176/Chasewaterhouse/Photos2/tbpb.jpg">T Bag</a> from "Prison Break." And what did he do? He stopped, zipped up and pointed at me as he was walking away. "Merry Christmas," he said. And he didn't wash his hands on the way out.<br /><br />I will be 70 telling this story to my grandkids some day. I just know it.<br /><br />p.s. Another dog wearing a hat. Xmas, this time.<br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v176/Chasewaterhouse/Photos2/dwsch.jpg">Justinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13255635291966365615noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7975581.post-1133892917908522542005-12-06T09:50:00.000-08:002005-12-06T10:18:43.650-08:00Christmas time is near, have another beer...<img style="WIDTH: 461px; HEIGHT: 207px" height="216" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v176/Chasewaterhouse/Photos2/vsgs.jpg" width="475" /><br />Without the above photo, the following entry by Izabel into <a href="http://www.cbs.com/specials/victorias_secret_2005/izabel_journal.shtml">her journal</a> for the "Victoria's Secret Fashion Show" would have been ultra boring.<br /><blockquote>Shower<br />I woke up around 8am and took a shower. I said a prayer, thanking God and blessing him. I feel so lucky to be here, I almost have to pinch myself. It's hard to believe.</blockquote><br />See? It's all about context. A sad story about how a beautiful supermodel pinches herself because she's lucky to take showers every day is only made more real, more touching and -dare i say - more sensual by the pictures of herself taking said shower. And she wrote "hard." Also good. Since the company Xmas party is tonight (see Open Bar), I'm Tivo-ing this along with "<a href="http://abc.go.com/specials/cbrown_christmas.html">A Charlie Brown Christmas</a>." God bless American television.<br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v176/Chasewaterhouse/Photos2/rrrd.jpg" /><br />Meet "Steve" and "Tyrone." This picture has made me laugh at least a dozen times since someone sent me it yesterday afternoon. Again, with context, you could infer that Steve just won and Tyrone lost. So, to defend his honor, Tyrone flexed until he exploded his innards all over Steve's face. Or maybe they both won in a doubles competition and they're just ultra excited to get back to the hotel and take a candlelit bath together. We just don't know.<br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v176/Chasewaterhouse/Photos2/ttllb.jpg" /><br />The media says this is a new kind of mammal found in Borneo. I say it looks more like a hairless cat with its head stuck in the ground. That Borneo Tourism Board is going to have to work a little harder than this.<br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v176/Chasewaterhouse/Photos2/dih.jpg" /><br />And here's some dogs with Christmas hats on. Just for "Mark."Justinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13255635291966365615noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7975581.post-1133815477783174932005-12-05T12:11:00.000-08:002005-12-06T11:34:34.180-08:00Help me cranekick the hell out of competing blogs...<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v176/Chasewaterhouse/Photos2/lsfkk.jpg" /><br /><br />Yes. It's <a href="http://www.gridskipper.com/travel/gridskipper/the-urbs-2005-urban-blogging-awards-voting-begins-141053.php#poll_=MTO0ITM">the finals </a>of the <strong>2005 Urbs</strong>. Through the miraculous use of the internet (okay, I hit up the local nursing homes...they like "pinchable cheeks"...sue me!!), I am up for three MAJOR AWARDS!!!<br /><br />1. World's Hottest Urban Blogger<br />2. World's Most Inane Urban Blog Post<br />3. World's Best Urban Blog<br /><br />I've got some pretty stiff competition in every category, but I think I can pull out a W or two. Number one, yes, I could feasibly send Gridskipper a picture of myself for the Hottest Urban Blogger category. Anyone who's met me in person knows I'm not a friggin' troll or anything. Or, at least, not an ugly troll. BUT...wouldn't it be so so much awesome-er if I won with a pic of a blowup sex doll (my ex-cubiclemate Franschesca) representing me. Come on. <em>Really</em>. Number two, everyone hates <a href="http://dudemanphat.blogspot.com/2005/07/gangs-of-souplantation-true-story.html">The Gangs Of Souplantation</a> post. Help me make it a legend of hatred. Please. Number three, if Gothamist wins for Best Urban Blog, the terrorists win. They actually sent me an email detailing this. So, I'm just saying. Vote for me. It's a vote for nonterrorism. And bunnies and puppies and rainbows that never end (which are things terrorists really really hate). They told me all of that too.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.gridskipper.com/travel/gridskipper/the-urbs-2005-urban-blogging-awards-voting-begins-141053.php#poll_=MTO0ITM"><span style="font-size:180%;">VOTE HERE</span> </a><br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">Also, vote for these fine blogs/blogesses: </span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><a href="http://art.blogging.la/">Art.blogging.la</a> = World's Best Urban Arts Blog<br /></span><a href="http://girlspoke.com/"><span style="font-size:85%;">Girlspoke</span></a><span style="font-size:85%;"> = World's Best Urban Sex Blog<br /></span><a href="http://employeecomedy.typepad.com/news/"><span style="font-size:85%;">Overeducated & Underemployed</span></a><span style="font-size:85%;"> = Best Los Angeles Blog</span>Justinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13255635291966365615noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7975581.post-1133550881457723842005-12-02T11:13:00.000-08:002005-12-02T13:01:12.430-08:00Lindsay Lohan has mind control over men...<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v176/Chasewaterhouse/Photos2/llhrd.jpg"><br />What other reason could there be for this random dude to be wearing my grandmother's sweater? It's waaay too small for him. And that shirt she's wearing looks like my grandfather's hunting shirt. If only one of them were holding a can of <a href="http://ensure.com/ensure.aspx">Ensure</a>, this would be like a geriatric Freaky Friday. Yep, my grandparents are both going to be majorly pissed once they see this. Not because they're missing the clothes that Lohan evidently stole through some kind of California to NC portal. Trust me. They'll live. But because they're really trendy and she's probably going to try to take all the "grandma sweater/grandpa flannel is new black" credit. She's crafty, I tell you. Crafty.Justinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13255635291966365615noreply@blogger.com11