Uncle Jesse Vs. Uncle Rico

Age
Uncle Jesse - 41
Uncle Ricco - 47
(El Katsopolis has the edge on Grandpa Rico here)

Occupation
Uncle Jesse - Musician, DJ
Uncle Rico - Seller of Tupperware that can't be torn
(When you add in the bonus model sailboat, this is a strong tie.)

Previous Claim to Fame
Uncle Jesse - Part-time drummer for the Beach Boys
Uncle Rico - He was thisclose to taking state back in '82
(I always did like "Kokomo." Jesse by yards.)

Mode of Transportation
Uncle Jesse - Harley Davidson
Uncle Rico - 1970's porno van
(Tie. I want both. In, like, a Gobots-like combo.)

Catchphrase
Uncle Jesse - "Have Mercy!!"
Uncle Rico - None
(Darn. And it probably wouldn't have even taken much.)

Smooth-ality with Ladies
Uncle Jesse - Had the stuff, bagged Becky a little early??
Uncle Rico - Apparently banging anyone buying Tupperware
(Ooooooo...got to go with Rico. That's a surprise.)

Special Talent
Uncle Jesse - Pefecting the ultimate hair style through gobs of mousse
Uncle Rico - He can throw a football over those mountains over there
(Give it to the guy with the golden arm.)

Negatives
Uncle Jesse - Too vain sometimes, not as funny as Joey
Uncle Rico - Eats all the steaks, doesn't feed Tina ham
(No one denies the Tina. Jesse gets this one.)

WINNER
Uncle Jesse barely edges out Rico, 6 to 4. For this, he wins the admiration of young, hot, sexy women everywhere.

This entry was posted on Thursday, April 21, 2005 at 9:33 AM. You can skip to the end and leave a response.