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never done that before...

Monday, November 29, 2004
I ate so much turkey Thanksgiving that I blacked out from trytophan.

Then I woke up and drank a TON of beer. With carbs.

Then I passed out from alcohol.

To make the day complete, I woke up one more time to take some Thanksgiving saki shots.

My roommate found me two hours later. Half asleep. On my bedroom floor. I had Crest Whitestrips on. I blame the media.


Monday, November 22, 2004
I've watched the Pacers-Pistons Ultimate Fighting Championship footage at least 3,000 times now. And one thing keeps coming up every time I see it.

What Would Jesus Do?

Personally, I think he'd probably take the push from Ben Wallace, turn the other cheek and hug his fellow NBA brother.

And if a cup was flung at him in anger, he'd levitate it. And turn all the thrown beer into wine. Jesus is good.

i hate you daylight savings time...

Wednesday, November 17, 2004
There's no reason for it to be 5:00 p.m. and dark as night outside.

If I wanted that, I'd move to Alaska. But the ratio sucks up there. And it's cold. So I'm here. In "sunny LA."

But oh DST, you're a whore for taking my sunlight away from me. "Well, you have more daylight in the morning now," you say?

Great. Good idea. The only person this benefits is my grandma, who gets up that early to either wait for the newspaper to arrive or do laps around a shopping mall.

I'd rather you take a few hours of daylight from my mid-afternoon. I'll eat lunch in the darkness. It even sounds cool.

Maybe the Earth will stop spinning. I wish I was Superman. He'd make it happen.

condoleeza's gargantuan man hands...

Monday, November 15, 2004

Looking at this picture, I wonder if someone's ever done the "is your hand bigger than your face trick?"

I mean, damn.