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ipod merlin...

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I don't own an IPOD or an IShuffle.

Hell, I don't even have a real CD player in my car (I have a Discman Deluxe with the cassette tape adapter.) For the sake of argument, If I did have a $400 CD player in my car, it would render itself more expensive than my actual car. Then...ruffians would break into my POS car to steal my shiny brand new CD player. When, in retrospect, I would have rather them steal the car and just leave me my CD player sitting on the pavement. Because it's new. And shiny.

Well, Steve Jobs, do I have an idea for you. And it's called the IPOD Merlin (see above). I think it's a brilliant idea that's the best of both worlds (aka Nice New Shiny Thing World and Cheap Ass World). And it's got totally cool capabilities:

  1. It looks like that piece of crap game from the 80's. But you can really upload one mp3 (and one mp3 only) to the hidden media player. Who needs a digibyte of music when you can listen to Gwen's "Hollaback Girl" over and over and over and over??? Take that IShuffle!@!
  2. It also kinda looks like a really old cell phone. So you look vintage walking around while you're pretending to talk to your BFF on it. And vintage is ULTRA COOL!!!! YAY!! You win again!
  3. If your friends are really dumb, you can tell them it's the President's red phone. And if they piss you off, you can react by dropping bombs over Baghdad. Or on their head.
  4. It's really big and clunky. So it can be used as a weapon if you are a harassed woman. Or if you're Mel Gibson and the bad guys have taken away all your clothes and leathal weapons. Haha. Take that unintelligent baddies!
  5. It's really good at listening. If you're really lonely or whatever.

And it's only $59.99!! I'm surprised it's not on sale right now at Urban Outfitters. Where's the patent office?? To the Taurusmobile!


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