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hiding out...

Thursday, September 30, 2004
Flying on planes makes me chew lots of gum.

I blame it on my height. And my genes. And that new TV show, "Lost."

If my plane would have crash-landed, I would so not be the heroic one. I would either be running crazy into the ocean out of fear or be the one instantly eaten by a pterodactyl.


vacation, all i ever wanted...

Monday, September 20, 2004
I've been on the glorious East Coast now for approximately 4 hours.

And I've already eaten a Cajun Filet biscuit from Bojangles and called my roommate back in LA to tell him we're starting up a serious "East Coast vs. West Coast rivalry." But with witty repartee instead of guns.

Bring it on mofo, said I.

LA Driving...

Friday, September 17, 2004
I've meant to do this for the past few weeks. Here's my LA Insight answers for one of my new favorite sites, LA Blogs:

1. How many hours a week are you stuck in your car?

"Unless it's a unique week, less than one. My car seems to be an LA eyesore so I keep it off the road as much as possible."

2. What music is in your car, right now?

3. What do you do while stuck in traffic? Eat? Sing? Primal scream?

"I start rolling up and down each of my individual windows. I start with the back left and usually go counter-clockwise. It really freaks people out but it's really soothing."

4. If you could give citations to other drivers for bad behavior, who/ what
would you ticket?

"Two words: rolling stops. Nothing infuriates me more. Everyone who does it should be properly punished by the authorities."

5. What's your favorite place/freeway to drive in LA?

"The inner parking ramps at the the Grove. Driving up and down those while simultaneously watching the open-space counts is a ride in itself. And definitely worth the $2. Two thumbs up."

6. What's your least favorite?

"Everywhere else?"

7. What's the craziest thing you've ever seen another driver do?

"Cole Trickle (Tom Cruise) taking the outside in Days of Thunder. That was crazy, man."

8. What's the craziest thing you've ever seen left on the side of the road?


my pregorative y'all (misspelling intended)...

I had to watch the new Britney music video twice to get the full effect.
It strikes me as a cross between a bad snuff film and the kind of music video you'd see being filmed on MTV's Faking The Video.

Next up for Brit-Brit and her Federlion: A cover and subsequent music video of the Bobby Brown masterpiece On Our Own. With the Ghostbusters co-starring, of course.

start me up...

Thursday, September 16, 2004
I've concluded that Sparks is my new anti-drug. Giving it to me is like winding up one of those monkeys with the cymbals. Clap clap clap.

A girl I had just met was expounding upon her love of EMO Music last night.

The only thing I could think about was, "Man, Elmo should put out some hot tracks." WTF.

best friends forever...

Wednesday, September 15, 2004
I just got a call from one of my best friends whose TV production assistant job just ended. He's currently supposed to be looking for a new job. Or so I thought.

Me: "Dude, where are you."
Friend: "You won't believe it. I'm at the zoo."
Me: "The zoo. With whom?'
Friend: "No one. I'm by myself. I'm looking at the monkeys."
Me: "I have money that the monkeys are extremely afraid of you right now."
Friend: "I need a job, man."
Me: "No kidding."

seriously, stop it guy next to me...

Tuesday, September 14, 2004
So...a new guy just started next to me at work. He finally discovered he has iTunes already downloaded on his Mac today.

And he's got the worst song selection imaginable. Just dreadful. We just listened to Meat Loaf's Greatest Hits and i want to tear off my ears and throw them at him.

Any person that has a Four Non Blondes cell ring tone should be subjected to a slow Kenny G-esque Chinese water torture death.

I am not kidding.

do video games even have bits these days??

Friday, September 10, 2004

I remember getting my first Nintendo 8-bit like it was yesterday.

It was the Christmas of 1987. I played the Super Mario Bros./Duck Hunt combo game until it wore out.

If that sentence made you nostalgic, you will LOVE this.

things you download to your desktop...

God bless Boing Boing.

Things such as this make me really really happy.

I think I swallowed my Trident White gum. Is that bad?

developing new ultra-geeky hobbies...

Thursday, September 09, 2004

I'm always behind on the latest trends.

DVD Tracks

OK. I know. Geektastic.

But I imagine this more as a group event. Inserting your witty thoughts and group discussion on classic 80's movies such as the ones shown above. A shot of cheap PBR for every participant for every minute on the hour. The one that lasts the longest is the "Commentating Champion of the Year."

Then, listen to the resulting aftermath next time you have a party. Instant fun.

reading between the KFC lines...

does anyone other than me find this ad kind of unsettling?

"live scalding."

isn't this the same Richard Pryor that, while high on coke, doused himself with cognac and lit himself on fire?

yep. same Pryor.

oh please please please don't suck...

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

christina ricci + wes craven + werewolves = AWESOME


You see Bob, it's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care...

Tuesday, September 07, 2004
has there ever been a movie so endlessly relevant to the American workforce as Office Space?

i had a workday that just made me appreciate the movie ever more. and i've had at least 100 of those same workdays at the young age of 24.

i had my own "meeting with the Bobs" today. the more they talked, the more they thought they were getting across this huge big plan, this grand overarching scheme to get everyone on the same page, increase production, etc.
meanwhile, all i could think about was the fact that these guys knew nothing. not one single thing. nothing about me or about the other completely frightened workers they were calling into their conference room. nothing.

maybe they'll promote me. maybe not. i've already labeled my stapler. and if for some reason i'm canned, i'm taking it with me.

and i'll burn the whole place down. figuratively.

dick dick dick goose...

Thursday, September 02, 2004

After watching last night's RNC speeches, i've come to one steadfast conclusion: our vice president, Dick Cheney, has been body snatched by either aliens or a four-year-old boy.
I felt like Charlie Brown listening to his teacher. "Wa wa. Wa wa wa wa. Wa wa wa wa wa wa."
I mean, seriously. Huh.

britney spears and the miami tan sound machine...

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

Photog: "Please, just pose for one more, Britney."

Britney: "Like OH MY GAWD. You are so crazy. Stop taking pictures dawg! OK...one more. One more. OK, this is the last one. Seriously, last one. Another."

sign #459 that a girl might like you...

She changes TV preferences at the drop of a hat...

Her: "What have you been doing tonight?"

Me: "Just watched Scrubs. Good ole prime-time TV."

Her: "I don't get to watch much TV anymore. We're watching "Sex and the City" tonight though.

Me: "Ugh."

Her: "Oh...I really don't like it THAT much."

Me: "Well....it's my most favorite show."

Her: "Really? I was just kidding."

Me: "So was I."

Annnnnnnnd scene.

rest in shoddily made Swedish pieces...

This really scared me when I first glanced at it. These poor people died from an IKEA store being dropped on them by helicopters???

That would rank up there with death by Phil Collins as the worst way EVER to die.

But I looked more closely and saw it was just a stampede for IKEA coupons.

That made me feel better. Not satisfied. But better.