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michael bay's puppy complex...

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I'm actually starting to feel sorry for poor Michael Bay.

As a producer, he's like Lenny in Of Mice in Men. These atrocious remake ideas are like little puppies to him. Cute and snuggly and innocent looking. He has good intentions in his Michael Bay mind. He just wants to pet the wittle puppy. Wuv him. So he picks him up, wubs the puppy against his face, feeds him wittle puppy biscuits and then...out of nowhere...SMOTHERS THE HELL OUT OF THE PUPPY WITH OVERDONE CGI AND STUNTWORK!!!

Stop producing, Michael. Go back to directly making bad movies. There's plenty of other remakes you can make yourself:

Schindler's List - He writes the list. It explodes.

She's Having A Baby - She has the baby. It blows up.

Footloose - Kevin Bacon dances so dang good that the dance floor explodes.

Mean Girls - You know what's really mean? Explosions.

You get the idea.
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