my inner old man is royally pissed about the gas situation...
Dear Jesus God in heaven gas prices are too damn high. I don't whether to buy a Toyota Prius, a bicycle or a harmless air rifle to shoot myself with after I pay $50 just to fill up my friggin' tank. If it keeps getting this shitty, I'm going to have to get a second job just to pay for the gas to get to my first job. That really blows.
Los Angeles is such a Hellmouth of high gas prices that we have our own website to regulate where the cheapest can be found. Why did they do that? To make me more neurotic about getting gas, that's why. Now I just sit on that site and refresh refresh refresh. Where is the cheapest gas today? Is it near me? Is it worth risking my life just to get cheaper gas in some of these places? Where the hell is Bellflower?? If I go to this place instead of this place, I save 3 cents a gallon, but won't I just burn all that difference up getting lost to find this supposed Oasis of Cheap Gas Priceness recommended to me by member friend71?
Then, I spend late nights thinking about ways to save the gasoline universe (or at least LA on a smaller level). Like, would I chain myself to one of those huge Exxon signs in the sky just to bring this crappy situation to light? Would I invade the Monster-In-Law premiere like the PETA peeps and berate JLo because she buys premium gasoline and I buy regular and...uhhhhh...she should, like, stop that. Even sometimes still, I drive up upon an expensive gas station and wonder, what if I drove my already-dented car right into the pumps? Would they explode immediately or would it take a few minutes, which would be just enough time for the less fortunate to come by with their Hello Kitty one-gallon gas jugs and save this just-freed gasoline.
And PEOPLE, please stop forwarding me the let's-all-not-get-gas-this-day-so-they'll-understand-our-gas-purchasing-power email!! I've said it once and I'll say it again: IT JUST MAKES ME WANT TO GET GAS THAT DAY!! I hate waiting in lines, especially for things I'm pissed about, like gas. It's like giving a pedophile a map of local elementary schools. And that's just wrong.
I have no answers. I only bitch. I just hope to God flying cars (or at least flying Marty McFly hoverboards) are around the corner. Because my inner old man is about to die without seeing them and I'm definitely not getting any younger.
I'm so mad about the gas situation, I might turn lesbian??