jessica simpson's a zombie...
I'm sick of these rumors about Nick and Jessica breaking up. They could be breaking up soon, they could have already broken up, they could be just hanging out now, they could be friends with benefits, they could only go out at night, they could only go out when they need groceries, they love clubbing and going to clubs but they don't talk when they're there, Johnny Knoxville's got a sweet mustache, he stuck his what in her huh what, etc. etc. etc. etc. WHO CARES! Since pictures are worth a thousand words, I'm starting a rumor right here and now:
JESSICA SIMPSON'S A ZOMBIE.
Yep. Scary but true. And it explains so much.
-If you use a word Jessica doesn't understand, she eats you.
-If you ask her how Nick is doing, she eats you.
-If you quote that damn "is tuna fish or chicken" joke, she eats you.
-If you're Johnny Knoxville's family, she eats you.
-If you're a member of 98 Degrees and not Nick, she eats you.
-Don't like her "Boots Are Made For Walkin" song/video? Eaten.
-If you're paparazzi, she'll allow you one pic. Then...she's eat you.
As of today, Jessica's currently eaten 4567 adults and 2 babies (who were twins that "cried at her wrong"). I'm just going to go out on limb and guess that they tasted like chicken. But you'd have to ask her.