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the XXX novelization mystery...



To Whomever Left This Book on My Desk During my Lunch Break,

Why god oh why would you do this to me??? Is this fun for you? Leaving a novelization of a movie (so bad that even Vin "The Pacifier" Diesel wouldn't return for its sequel) on my desk and just walking off? You're probably staring at me right now, aren't you? Silently judging me as my brain does mentally-impaired cartwheels over the possibilities. Was it you, Vin? 'Cause if it was, I forgive you. I'm just happy you read good. Promise.

Was it you, I. Cube?? A little research before taking over the role?? Fine. But just a quick query. WTF is going on in this trailer, dude?? There's like guns and parachuting and explosions and then a boat flies onto a bridge. Sorry. You lost me at the boat thing. I was, like, ok, all right...maybe. Then...wait a tic. Boats can't fly!! You're just making shat up now.

Lastly, I come to Rich Wilkes. El Authoro. Man oh man. You go from writing future AFI classics like Airheads and The Jerky Boys to novelizations of movies. That is uber hot. If I was a girl, I'd want to have millions of babies with you, just so then we could film the births and write novelizations for each one.

In conclusion, whoever you are, Jessica Fletcher is on the case with Encyclopedia Brown picking up the slack. We will find you. We will.

sendcelery,
me

Correction: It seems Mel Odom, not Rich Wilkes, wrote the novelization. So...just sub in Mel's name in the "Lastly" paragraph above. Mel, you now suck. Rich, ummm...congrats??
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