(Yes. A little over a year ago, Samuel L. Jackson stole my entertainment center.)

I'm all about some goodwill. I always give a penny rather than receive a penny. I once even gave four pennies (it was a good week). I like to give bums high fives. Maybe they requested a dollar, but high fives are more personal...and you can't buy crack with them. I even buy $5 candy bars from those kids you see at every shopping mall. And then i turn around and sell them for $6. Ha ha kid.

I do all of these things. In good will.

But something troubling is afoot at the Hollywood Goodwill on Vine Street.

I went there today to drop off an entertainment center that i just couldn't fit into my life anymore. As i was unloading it from my truck, i was approached by Samuel L. Jackson, or at least his doppelganger.

S: "Hey, man! What you got?"

(Is Goodwill a center for drug running nowadays?, I thought. I knew something always smelled funny about that place.)

Me: "Just an entertainment center man."

S: "What kind? Are there any big screen TV's with it?"

(Is that what people drop off here, again, I thought? if so, i need to hang out here with Samuel L. more often!)

Me: "Nope. Sorry. This is all I have to give. But at least it's going to a good cause."

S: (Suddenly, Samuel L. let out a huge Samuel L-like laugh.) "Yeah, like out the back door."

Me: "You mean they just steal it? I thought they take the money they make and give it to kids. Or the families with 10 kids."

S: "Nope. They pocket that shit, Steve."

I wasn't even upset that he called me Steve. I was more upset that I had been duped. As I drove away, I realized that the proverbial wool had been pulled over my eyes for my entire life. I always hoped that maybe my unwanted items would end up in a struggling B actor's crappy apartment. Like a rainbow breaking through the gloom and fog of their Hollywood life.

But no. It's probably now in the possession of Samuel L. Jackson, who was eyeing it as I drove away. So next time you see Samuel L. on the big screen, think of me. And the rainbow that I brought into his non-struggling A actor career.

disclaimer: This might not be the case at every Goodwill in America. Just Goodwills that Samuel L. Jackson or his doppelganger likes to loiter around...

This entry was posted on Tuesday, June 07, 2005 at 1:08 AM. You can skip to the end and leave a response.