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mary kate and her unhappy trampoline...



When did trampolines instantly start denoting happiness?

Through these pictures of trampolinization, we're supposed to just infer that all is right in Mary-Kate World? Symbolicallly, her bouncing means she's finally kicked her carb fears, her coke cheers and her anxiety about representing the Lollipop Guild?? Well, hell. If that's the truth, I better get in the trampoline selling business because there will be a celebrity run on them once their publicists get wind of this new career-altering trend.

But, actually, I have to call BS, Mary Kate. I don't think you're happy at all. I think you're bouncing angry. Yes, it is true. As a kid, I often bounced angry. I hardly ever went on a trampoline initially happy. My mom would be like, "Son, don't bounce angry." But I wouldn't listen, I'd bounce to some N.W.A. to get frustrations out and then I'd bounce off into a tree or break an arm or something. I think that's the place in which Mary Kate is now in. She needs our help more than anything. She's, figuratively and literally, barely bouncing. Behemoth Boyfriend is doing all the work. She's just putting on a smile facade. Someone buy her a iced mocha frapp or somethin.
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Posted by Blogger LA on 8:15 AM

nuh uh, trampolines have been scientifically proven to fix all your problems when used in conjunction with a greek shippping heir.
for reals.  



Posted by Anonymous Batman on 1:44 PM

Super fun happy time at weirdo ranch!!
I wonder if he buried his Gyros in MKO?
Nothing like a trampoline bouncing with Greek kabillionaires to wipe away the blues....
Unhappy trampolining is no joke though, I am an orphan b/c my parents had a fight, then went out to calm down with some tramping action, and before you knew it, they angry tramped right off and into the path of an oncoming bus...
I still get teary thinking about it...  



Posted by Blogger justin on 8:55 AM

junk,
i need evidence. charts and graphs.
stat.  



Posted by Anonymous Anonymous on 11:58 AM

As opposed to a non-iced mocha frapp.

Love,
cutandcollapse, who read your livejournal to see why the hell you hadn't updated in forever.  



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