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What happens in the urinals stays in the urinals...

Except for when it's as freaky as what just happened to me. I was in our office floor's restroom doing my business when some random dude I've never seen before sidles up to the urinal two down from me. About five seconds in, he lets out the most ginormous fart I've ever heard inside a public restroom. Very gross, kinda wet sounding, but with intensity. Truth be told, I hadn't heard something this grotesque coming out of stalls. And this was standing up at a urinal.

So what did I do? I tried my best not to laugh. But the fact that you don't normally hear dudes tearing ass cheeks while they're standing up at the urinal (unless you're at the trough at a football game) made me lose it. And as I did, I looked sideways (breaking the unspoken dude rule of eyes straight ahead) and, I guess, gave him the WTF glance. Scariest thing? He looked like T Bag from "Prison Break." And what did he do? He stopped, zipped up and pointed at me as he was walking away. "Merry Christmas," he said. And he didn't wash his hands on the way out.

I will be 70 telling this story to my grandkids some day. I just know it.

p.s. Another dog wearing a hat. Xmas, this time.
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Posted by Anonymous Anonymous on 2:16 PM

Not cool. He should be shot.  

Posted by Anonymous Anonymous on 6:12 PM

i love you....  

Posted by Blogger justin on 6:15 PM

I love you too.  

Posted by Blogger Rob on 10:16 PM

That made me chuckle.  

Posted by Blogger Keith on 12:02 AM

One of my co-workers was telling me today about how he and his friends at a previous job would freak out random people in the men's room... they'd walk in, set up at the urinal and then one of them would say to the other, "Hey, nice penis! You get that waxed and buffed recently?"  

Posted by Blogger xanadian on 5:29 AM

ah! another brilliant idea to add to my repertoire. bahahahahahaaa!!  

Posted by Blogger lawkiid on 9:52 AM

Similar to Keith, a buddy of mine at a conference came into the urinal and there was a dude in between us. He looked over (breaking the unwritten rule of urinal etiquette) and told me my hog was beautiful.... no shit, he said "he, you gotta great looking hog." I politely replied "thank you". Then, he nearly tore the ass out of his jeans with a wall rattling thunder cannon fart. The dude in the middle almost fainted... all the colour in his face drained out.... and he fled the scene.... I couldn't stop laughing. Turns out, he was one of the guest speakers later that day. He couldn't look at us, and my buddy kept winking at him...  

Posted by Blogger lawkiid on 10:02 AM

I forgot to mention.... great dog with hat pic... Classic  

Posted by Anonymous Burns! on 11:38 PM

I'm glad that I heard about this second hand and didn't experience it myself. Other than that...good story, dude.  

Posted by Blogger Kopek on 6:18 AM

Ripping a fart in the urinals is just unheard of and he is clearly a revolutionary in a new movement to end the silence.  

Posted by Blogger cacaballbutt on 11:31 AM

Did the fart stink?  

Posted by Anonymous Pedro on 12:23 PM

Quite frankly I'm surprised that you've not experienced the standing up at the urinal ripper before. I, unfortunately, work in an office where the savagery that goes on in the bathroom is so beyond, I've been forced (in extreme cases) to go home in the middle of the day just to drop my duker. I don't know what people eat around here, but it just seems like they all think that passing ass rattling gas and blowing burrito size mudslides are perfectly acceptable in an office environment.

You have seen the dark side of the office bathroom experience. You can never go back. Your innocence is lost forever.  

Posted by Anonymous bank locater on 11:24 PM

that was hilarious  

Posted by Blogger TheIdleReceptionist on 6:13 AM

Wow, I bet that was my old boss. He would acctually take documents from his desk that needed his attention and announce to the office he was going to do some "reading (read: take a shit)."

We wouldn't see him for 20 min.


Posted by Blogger Alex Fritz on 8:49 PM

I sharted while standing at a urinal on newq years eve. Seriously not cool.

Good story, though.  

Posted by Anonymous Anonymous on 1:32 PM

What, so you cannot fart at the urinals now? Since when?  

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