Why do I always see pics from the Ivy like this but when I go I only see the guy from MASH?? Or friggin' Jerry O'Connell? I quit.

Does anyone remember when JLH was, like, the "it girl?" She had the kinda-awesome troika of "Party of Five," I Know What You Did Last Summer and Can't Hardly Wait. She could do no wrong. She had exquisite breasts and some semblance of acting ability. And then, suddenly, she hurled herself out the window of Good Decisions Inc. and hit a couple of stupid branches on the way down before ultimately being saved by one of those overhang thingees that sometimes catches people in action movies. Love and her delicates survived but, unfortunately, the part of her brain that chose movie roles was damaged beyond all repair.

If the hot teen actresses of today completely obliterate their career in a few years time (Duff, Lohan), we could literally call it "Jennifer Love Hewitting." Because besides disappointing an entire generation of young men, that's what she did. She friggin' jumped an entire Sea World pool full of sharks on a moped and didn't even give us a pity flash. Truth be told, it physically hurt me deep down in my chest cavity to watch Heartbreakers. The Tuxedo? Garfield?? Are you serious?? It just makes me SO ANGRY that I want to call her on the phone and tell her all about it (but only in an imaginary way since I don't have her number):

JLH: Hello?

Me: Stop it.

JLH: Stop what? Who is this?

Me: A friend. A friend who remembers the real Love Hewitt.

JLH: Huh?

Me: You're killing my inner 14-year-old. I just want you to know that.

JLH: I'm calling the police.

Me: Ghost Whisperer? Are you on drugs?

JLH: I actually don't use drugs.

Me: Start using drugs. Now.

JLH: I'm hanging up.

Me: I'm only doing this because I care.

JLH: (HANGS UP)

This entry was posted on Monday, July 11, 2005 at 6:04 PM. You can skip to the end and leave a response.