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if you value sanity, don't buy this new dvd for your girlfriend/wife...

Here's how it started (HOURS AGO!!!):

"Can we watch it when we get home?? Please!! Please!!"

"Uggggghhhh...please no."

"Come on!! Please!!"

"Aw right. Just the extra footage. But not the entire movie. I can't watch that three-hour thing again."

"YES! Okay."


"I promise."

This is meant as more of a disclaimer for all boyfriends/husbands everywhere. This DVD has, at my most recent estimation, about 8 hours of extra features. They. Never. End. James Cameron has pulled out the stops to ensure that Titanic lovers know every possible minute detail about the movie. I'm being forced, at knifepoint, to watch an array of documentaries on set and costume design. For Christmas sakes, if you're my real friend, reading this and have my phone number, CALL ME. I'll pretend that you're out of gas on the 405 or something and it'll give me an excuse to leave the apartment. I know what you're thinking. Hahaha...I'm so not even kidding.
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Posted by Anonymous Anonymous on 7:41 PM


Titanic is the best movie EVA. Like, E-V-A. EVA. Got it? Good.

Besides... Don't even try and act like you (a) didn't learn something new, (b) didn't find it *remotely* interesting, and (c) didn't get a kick out of re-watching Vaughn and Stiller's 1998 funniness.

And NO, this is NOT the longest or dumbest comment ever. YOU'RE THE LONGEST AND DUMBEST COMMENT EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the Girlfriend w/a capital G.  

Posted by Anonymous Anonymous on 9:15 PM


Posted by Anonymous Anonymous on 9:40 PM


i'm feeling the exact same pain. right now.


Posted by Blogger AJ Gentile on 10:56 PM

"You jump, I jump, right?

How 'bout we BOTH jump and end this effer right now."  

Posted by Blogger kristine on 8:16 AM


but i bet the Gfriend is right. you totally loved it, didn't you?  

Posted by Blogger the belligerent intellectual on 10:33 AM

Try screaming "ICEBERG!" in an obnoxious accent every few minutes. My girlfriend made me leave the room.  

Posted by Blogger Cory on 3:53 PM

instead of buying the dvd, you could have just bought a huge block of ice and put it on her bed and called it an iceberg. then, all night you could say, "icbeeerg, straight ahead!" if she complained about the cold water, you could say, "now you know how it must have felt for leo!" and burst into tears.  

Posted by Blogger Amy on 6:26 PM

i am so sorry.

my friend made me watch that crap too.

we were eating spaghetti.

i tried to cut my wrists with my fork.

obviously, it didn't work.  

Posted by Blogger Avatar on 9:52 PM

Start farting. Pick your nose. Belch loudly. And scratch your balls incessantly. She'll BEG you to leave.

Unless you already do that sort of thing regularly. Which is likely, since you're in a long-term relationship and I'm guessing you've long passed the "comfortable" phase.

In which case, you're fucked. Suck it up, get drunk, and enjoy Cameron's masturbatory love letter to himself.  

Posted by Blogger Zheng junxai5 on 7:56 PM

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