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If I die, I'll have someone leave a detailed comment...

I had the geekiest dream of all time last night. It revolved around one of my favorite bloggers dying and not updating for months on end. In my dream, I blamed Bloglines because every so often it breaks and I get a little exclamation point beside the blog name which means they effed up in some way. But once I went to the actual blog address, I realized that it was true. They hadn't updated. I clicked on the comments to find this, left by some random person:

Sorry guys. He died.

And that was it. No other explanation. Nothing. Just dead. And being the neurotic person I am (even in my freakin dreams, man) my mind started to race. Holy shit. What happened? I'm sad. I need some closure. This vague comment isn't enough. I'm going to order a stuffed crust pizza from Pizza Hut and eat the entire pizza. And then I woke up. So that's why I promise, if I ever die, I'll have someone leave a more detailed comment about my death. Maybe even a picture. Because Blogspot is 4ever.

What does this all mean? I'm not dead or dying. But I have been sick with something a little more than a cold and a lot less than the HIV. In all honesty, my insides might be melting. Also, my TV show is almost in edit (which means CRAZINESS!!!), the computer is sucking my will to live (see Electric Dreams) and the fact that I'm on drugs and STILL can't drink caffeine makes me very BLECH. So if I disappear for a while, those are the reasons. Good news: I had my first CAT scan ever today and made a Total Recall joke to the lady who pushed the button.

"If I am not me, den who da hell am I?" I said.

I don't think she got the reference.

But this dog in a hat did.

Because he loves that movie.

p.s. Hilary Duff isn't even trying anymore.
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Posted by Anonymous Kissi on 10:27 PM

I hope you get to feeling better. I can only do so much from the east coast! By the way, your "Curssmass Tree" looks undeniably hot...but it doesn't have millions of little red ribbons on it...shame.  

Posted by Anonymous Anonymous on 12:33 AM

Really, don't die.  

Posted by Blogger TheIdleReceptionist on 6:08 AM

Hahaha...hell yeah that dog got the joke.

Hell yeah.  

Posted by Blogger Keith on 8:56 AM

I knew it... Hilary Duff is the third Olsen twin.  

Posted by Anonymous stochasticgirl on 9:35 AM

I heard once that if you dream that someone died, it means that person's in love.

So, since you dreamed that you died, does that mean you're in love with yourself? As if we didn't already know that!  

Posted by Blogger lawkiid on 9:51 AM

Get better dude.. no coffee.. you must be aching.
That dog with the hat on... priceless. Cityrag has some great dog-mas themed photos... quite funny. Not to mention their in-depth reporting on camel toe, and the story on that BEEEYYAAACCHHH Annie (I wouldn't hit that with your dick) Lennox snub.
Dude, for reels... speedy recovery, nothing dampens the holidays like melting innards... I told you not to sleep with that Alien looking chic... chic's with tails are totally off limits.. lesson learned.  

Posted by Blogger Julie_Gong on 12:48 PM

If you die or stop writing I'm going to be sooo pissed. So please don't abandon us like Lindsay from Immoderation did. I don't handle the rejection well.  

Posted by Blogger lawkiid on 1:18 PM

Dear Julie,
Go peddle crazy elsewhere, Justin's all stocked up here.

Posted by Blogger justin on 1:21 PM

Lindsay might be dead.  

Posted by Anonymous shawna on 2:13 PM

i am really upset about annie lennox, i had no idea she was such a bitch. steve needs to asspunch her.  

Posted by Blogger Paul on 3:14 PM

I just love that you referenced Electric Dreams! When the hell are we getting THAT on DVD?  

Posted by Anonymous seamus on 5:41 PM

"We'll always be together
Oh, it seems
We'll always be together
Together in Electric Dreams."

Why the fuck do I remember the closing credits music from that movie?  

Posted by Anonymous jonniker on 6:37 PM

OMymotherfuckingGOD, I thought I was the only person who rememebered "Electric Dreams."  

Posted by Anonymous Anonymous on 7:37 AM

Justin, you crack me up. I think I love you. If you sense a stalker. It's me. Stalking is all the rage you know.


(totally kidding, rock on...and don't die)  

Posted by Blogger lawkiid on 1:59 PM

You must weigh in on this.... I need to know your professional opinion on a man who's cracked us up SO much...
And OBVIOUSLY, from your in depth investigatory journalistic background, you would have the inside deets....
I didn't know whether to laugh or cry at this insanity.
Also, maybe add in what Steve thinks, and of course, toss in a dog with hat photo just for good measure.  

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