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My xmas tree would beat up your xmas tree...

Facts about my Christmas tree (my first real honest to goodness one in over 7 years)

1) It's got blue balls.

2) It's got butterflies on it. Not my doing, but hey. Whatever.

2b) In my mind, those butterflies are mean as all hell. And they'll kick you in the face and cuss at you if you try to laugh at them.

3) Since the stand is all screwed up, a Harry Potter book (one of the unreasonably long ones) is holding up the tree from falling through the wall and, perhaps, into my neighbor's bathroom. Thank you, Harry Potter.

4) Its name, like everything inanimate in my apartment, is Steve.

5) It's about 7 foot tall. Yes, it can dunk.

6) Its lights blink really really fast and give me seizures.

Merry Xmas tree to all!
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Posted by Anonymous Anonymous on 12:08 PM


Posted by Anonymous Carly on 5:15 PM

How do you differentiate it from all the other Steves, then, if you want someone to get you one of them? Are they separated b y class or version? Is there a Steve 2.0, etc?

I just spent way too much time debating that in my head.  

Posted by Blogger justin on 5:20 PM

No. They're just all named Steve. And it's really confusing. Especially to the maid. Also named Steve.  

Posted by Blogger Judy on 6:12 PM

You know, in Taiwan, butterflies are a symbol for prostitutes. Are you trying to tell us something?  

Posted by Blogger justin on 7:52 PM

Yes. It's a prostitution tree. Happy Whoremas!!  

Posted by Blogger Donna Grayson on 12:20 AM

Nice Christmas tree.
Good use of the Harry Potter book  

Posted by Anonymous Anonymous on 4:31 AM

Is that reflection of the naked dude taking the photo in the blue balls you or Steve?  

Posted by Blogger lawkiid on 10:01 AM

My Christmas tree eats Christmas trees like yours for breakfast. I got 'A Team' ornaments when I was a kid, and they still get hung every year... "I pity da fool who messes with Christmas" is my favourite.
On a totally unrelated note, that Christmas tree post was missing one key element... canines Justin.... not just canines though, the ones wearing hats...
Happy Whoremas!  

Posted by Blogger Marcia on 2:00 PM

It's true. Your Christmas tree does kick my Christmas tree's ass.

I'm so jealous of viscious man eating butterflies!  

Posted by Blogger AJ Gentile on 11:30 PM

Butterflies are gay.

That's why they start with "butt".


Eh, Steve!  

Posted by Blogger Star Effer on 5:19 PM

Steve reminds me of one of the porn stars from Boogie Nights - not the cool ones like Dirk Diggler or Chest Rockwell, but the skinny, scroungy meth addicts that Floyd Gondolli brings in on New Years eve to usher in the new era of video.

so... like congrats.  

Posted by Blogger Keith on 5:24 PM

My menorah will set your tree on fire. Burn, baby, burn! Bwahahahahahaaaaaaa...  

Posted by Blogger xanadian on 5:52 AM

bah, my tree has more lightitude and ballage than yours will ever have.  

Posted by Blogger xanadian on 5:53 AM

I'll git you Eh, Steve! if it's the last thing I ever dooooooo!  

Posted by Anonymous Anonymous on 1:38 PM

That tree is so gay, other gay Christmas trees will look at it and say "Oh my God that tree is so Gay!"  

Posted by Blogger justin on 1:45 PM


Posted by Blogger lawkiid on 12:28 PM

What the shit? You show off your half-assed pimp tree, and then you scram for the week?
dude... WTF.
If your tree was anymore ghetto, we could call it the K Fed White Trash vegas tree....  

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